the reverend al sharpton

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 05:21:29 GMT

the sun came out this morning i was wide awake
and i made way down to the kitchen and i cut myself
a piece of my birthdaty cake
raspberry filling in the middle
and i thought about you a little
and there was a time when you wanted me so bad
it was eating you up inside
this time has gone away

i pour myself a tall glass of milk
it was deep and cold
and i checked my driver's license i was 28 years old
and there was a time when you wanted me so bad
it was eating you up inside
this time has gone away

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 21:18:39 GMT

I dreamt last night that I was 60 years old and grey haired, with my family who had all aged and had grey hair, at a house by a lake in a northern state. Something about the place had to do with Robert Frost. I remember my aunt Rosie looking very old as she got out of a car from a car while I was sitting on a sun deck with my brother who was also much older. I was surprised to be 60, and I was also upset. I can not remember if I was upset because I did not remember the years between 22 and 60, or if I was just upset that nothing memorable had happened.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 07:15:14 GMT

A birthday is meaningless without being with the people you love. A birthday is really the same as any other day. Thus any day is meaningless without being with the people you love.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 06:41:20 GMT

How does one go about turning off the love button?

girl you got a thing going on

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:04:55 GMT

I have nothing going on. I need to get something going on.

This is it is this it.

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 05:45:12 GMT

Maybe I should write what I do each day. Then I will be aware of the fact that I don't actually do anything and perhaps that will motivate me towards doing something.

Today I woke up at 8:30 for class but went back to sleep. I then woke up at 11:10 for class but by the time I was ready I would have been late so I didn't go. I think I jerked off for a while, watched some t.v. ( NFL Network and George Carlin), Cleaned some dishes and looked at the internet. I made Orzo and Tomato soup for dinner, drank three cups of coffee and was going to ride my bike to Maude's to study for my exam tomorrow. It was real nasty out and I didn't feel like getting caught in the rain on a 3 mile bike ride so I called it off. I tried doing some of my review questions but mostly I just listened to music and looked at typography. Some new music I heard was Kevin Devine, Nana Grizol and Michael Jordan's Touchdown Pass. Athens has birthed some good tunes. Tomorrow after my two tests I think I might clean some. Lee might come over to carve pumpkins so I have been looking at some Vegan pumpkin recipes.

I keep telling myself that I am working towards something, a degree, but I am not convinced if that will end up being more than a piece of paper when everything is said and done.

"how I hate disease, it's like worrying that comes true" - Frank O'hara

"Round and round: bow and kiss.
I try to teach her caution;
she tried to teach me risk. "

-Gregory Orr

Good weekend

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 05:44:19 GMT

It is late and I am exhausted and bored. I realized I hadn't looked at my phone in a few hours and thought maybe someone had called or texted, so I hunted down my phone and saw sadly that this was not the case. So I sat by my computer listening to Bill Withers when I heard the sound of a text being received. I got excited until I saw that It was a spam text asking if I had 10k in credit card debt because they could cut it in half! I thought this was a pretty good metaphor for "the times" ya know?

Genuine anger

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 06:33:24 GMT

I could crush anything wishing to be crushed right now. I love the people who sincerely appreciate my company. I will no longer kid myself.

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 07:56:53 GMT

How smell conjures every kind of memory never ceases to amaze me.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 06:21:55 GMT

People will no't be there for you unless you persist with your need for them.

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 02:18:07 GMT

Sometimes the best way to feel better is to make a completely irrational response. The Virgin Mary's father was upset that his wife was barren so he went out into the desert for 40 days to fast and do penance. Fasting and penance and going into the desert make no sense but man I bet they feel good when you are that upset.

New semester resolution

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 06:27:57 GMT

I will try and turn down the anger a few notches.

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 10:56:51 GMT

I love life and I love you. Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

Why am I so grumpy.

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 06:03:29 GMT

I am getting really upset with the passing of time. If you have to pick an enemy don't pick time. I don't know what I am doing wrong but I get this gnawing feeling that I am not living right. "you can fight it, but you will fail. If you are ready to fail then fight"

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 06:42:14 GMT

Tonight is the best night to view the Perseid Meteor Showers. I did not know about it until it was too late, but when I think about it I know very little about star gazing or related subjects. If I ever meet a girl who knows a lot about that kind of stuff that would be great.

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 06:22:55 GMT

It went well,
You didn't have to do it all by yourself.
Some friends came over and helped,
a hand truck, a friend with a van,
and you're moving out again.
Remembering when you first came,
it's crazy these streets look the same,
they looked different when they were strange.
And it's always weird to erase
every personal trace
from a place you called home for a while
and see all that you own in a pile.
A place that had become a friend,
to return it to how it had been,
to be friends with whomever moves in.

And you stick around
after all the boxes are down
the fridge is empty- just one ice tray,
and you swept and mopped more today
than the entire time that you stayed.
It's a shame you now have to leave,
the place is actually nice when it's clean.
It wasn't hard mopping the floor,
why didn't you ever do that before?
Now the van is down on the corner,
and you've done everything that you're gonna.
There's some pennies and dust on that shelf,
but the landlord can clean it herself,
and you're not sure, but you're going to claim
the blinds were busted like that when you came.

Man, so existential in that room,
so existential with that broom.
Cause the room looks the same
except there's no life left,
and you start thinking about death.
When you die, will it be the same?
No more thoughts decorating your brain?
An empty space for the world to reclaim?
You're on the verge of thinking something deep,
then you hear the van give the beep,
then you take one last look around to make sure,
then you take one last walk out the door,
and you'll never again see the angle
of the street you saw from that window.
You take the key out of your pocket,
you close the front door and you lock it,
drop the key back through the slot,
sure hope there's nothing you forgot.

I am leaving 611 for good. I don't know what it will be like living with my 3 new roommates plus good ole Josh. I am willing to bet they are idiots but that is alright as long as they are good ole idiots. I was really blessed with my two years at 611, I moved in at a lonely low and changed slowly slow, and left less lonely or alone. I am going to miss the times when we had plans to go out and instead stayed home and went silly, I am going to miss wondering where Kai is at 4 o'clock in the afternoon because he has been sleeping, or Tom being mad at Kai for sleeping, or dressing up Josh and Tom and the time Tom was mad at Josh for not wanting to dress up and he said "I don't want to go out and not look retarded" or when I became infatuated with Mustard Girl though I only drove her home and had not spoken to her and ended up dating her and some how tricked her into loving me and now I am stuck with a good friend named Lee or when I screamed at Aditya to get out of my apartment before I knew he was Aditya and now we are in common circles. A lot of great things happened. I am going to miss my old bed, and am glad I came in it more then I cried in it. I will not miss the dust I hid under it. I am not going to miss my shower which I finally cleaned though it does me no good, I will miss its mist, and the way it sprays more like wind than water. I wonder if I will miss Kai's singing, which ranged from good enough to stop what you were doing to listen, and bad enough to shut your door. I shouldn't wonder that, because of course I will miss it. I will miss Tom and Kai playing Fleet Foxes and MGMT on Xylophone and Guitar. I just do not see Aron, Jahel, or Danny as the kind of people who sharing things like music, or funny videos, etc, would be worth it. I recently wrote a long passage about how I feel love is when a joy is multiplied by the act of sharing that joy, and every good thing I have experienced in the past 2 years was an additional 3 times better because I could share it with Josh, Kai and Tom, as well as the other people I loved (you). I am entirely optomistic for the next two semesters, I know good people, I am an officer and a veteran on the rugby team, I am established at my work, I have absolutely nothing lined up for when I graduate so I can do whatever I feel like I guess. I am ready to work hard, I am ready to play hard, but mostly work hard. I am willing and ready to reap what I sow, and be wiser in choosing what it is I plant. Every stage of my life has gone by so fast, I think I may be old enough to notice its passing this time and make the best of it. Who knows.

It is weird but sometimes I think my conscious describes itself via twitches, cramps and spasms in my leg. I had a dream there were two cut out cardboard people, crudely colored by crayon, mostly pure white skin and red crayon, one was a man and the other a women. They were leaned up against the closet of my room back home. My bed was the way it used to be, not the way it was now. In my dream the cardboard people got knocked down and someone said "this is the whole world, the whole wide world, the whole wide world, the whole wide world" and i became concerened, then scared, then terrified and then traumatic. I climbed up to the corner of my room on top of my dressed trying to be as far away from the cardboard people knocked over. Now that I think about it I think only one of them was knocked down. I have only had one panic attack in my entire life, but what I felt in that dream stirs me the same way I stirred then. I woke up with my calve in a knot. Maybe dreams don't have meanings until you give them meanings. I think it says that in the whole wide world some people get knocked down while the ones standing next to them stay standing. This is the whole wide world, people are both the ones who hurt and are hurt. You can't escape it.

Sorry but,

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 07:37:51 GMT

I happen to love you.

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 06:30:58 GMT

"I am
not particular.

I like whatever
the sky happens
to be doing at the time."

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 05:40:51 GMT

http://bands.army.mil/music/bugle/calls/reveille.mp3

That song is called Reveille. Everyone knows the tune but not the name. I enjoy learning the right name for things, and it feels good to learn the name of something familiar like a plant or an animal you always see.

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:00:05 GMT

"Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occurred to you that you don't go on forever. Must have been shattering, stamped into one's memory. And yet, I can't remember it. It never occurred to me at all. We must be born with an intuition of mortality. Before we know the word for it. Before we know that there are words. Out we come, bloodied and squalling, with the knowledge that for all the points of the compass, there's only one direction, and time is its only measure." - Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead.

I actually remember the moment when I first learned about death. I don't remember what age I was but it must have been close to eight. I was on the top bunk bed looking towards the wall at a collage picture frame that had several photos of our former Cocker Spaniel, Stoney, who had been hit by a car when I was very young, too young to remember. There were several pictures of me as a toddler laying on the couch with Stoney. I saw myself younger and knew that I was now older, and I saw Stoney and saw that he wasn't older, he was stuck at that age, that he was dead permanently. He was stuck staring at a black wall and that one day I would be stuck in that same darkness without knowing it. Somehow I communicated this to my brother, who was looking at the picture frame as well, and we both got very scared, started to cry and ran out of our room to our parents screaming that we didn't want to die. I am not sure what the told us, or how we made it back to our room and slept.

What really intrigues me about the whole ordeal was that Stoney was a dog, and so in my mind he didn't go to heaven or hell, he just had the blackness. This was when I would have to go to Religious Education classes every tuesday and we would still go to church and was probably around the time I had my first communion, so surely I had heard the whole deal about being good and going to heaven, yet when I realized that my dead dog that I didn't remember wasn't going to heaven, that their wasn't any afterlife awaiting him, I immediately struck from my mind the notion that their was an afterlife for anyone either. Me and Jamey were about to go to bed, we would always argue over who would have to turn off the light because that meant trying to find your way back to your bed in the dark, and on the verge of that temporary night I got my first hint of the permanent night dogs and people all end in.

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 20:36:14 GMT

Some people are gone forever, though their presence may try to convince you otherwise.

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 05:07:48 GMT

Hieronymus Bosch

Achewood

Richard Brautigan

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 04:45:50 GMT

I am watching Craig Ferguson do his monologue at the beginning of his show and am wondering if there is actually an audience on the other side of the camera. What if it was just him, a camera on a tripod and an empty studio. I go to Ohio tomorrow. The same people that were there last time are there this time, no one has left and that is encouraging.

The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 01:45:25 GMT

1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

3. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

9. Do not harm little children.

10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

Sun, 31 May 2009 07:10:50 GMT

One of my managers is not as big of an asshole as everyone thinks he is, but he is stuck playing the role of an asshole. Once people have it in their heads that you're one way it takes too much to make them think your another. Also they find it very upsetting, I know I am guilty of this. People expect you to be reliably you, if you are an asshole you better consistent. Jared thinks addictions are anything you need to go to sleep without struggle. Sleep should be easy, you should be able to say "I've done enough", close your eyes and it is tomorrow and you better get started if you plan to do enough.